Thursday 11 January 2018

#410 Before Genesis Part 2

One of the upsides of being a deity was that God had very vivid dreams indeed. They were almost so vivid that he could not tell them apart from reality. You or I certainly would not be able to but then you and I are not God.

God was well aware that he was dreaming. That's what made his dreams so vivid. He was literally able to control every aspect of them. Every eventuality. It was part of the reason he spent so much time snoozing. That and the fact that there really wasn't much else to do. Plus, he never had to brush his teeth, wash his face or put any pyjamas on, since he had none of those things. Having a snooze was as simple as thinking of having one.

On this particular occasion, God decided to dream himself up an ice cream van. God loved ice cream and few things pleased him more than to shovel great mountainfuls of it into what I suppose you could call his throat and then run at a million miles an hour in order to burn it off almost instantaneously, thereby absolving himself from any accusations of gluttony. He really was having a marvelous time.

The reason that God dreamed of an ice cream van, rather than simply dreaming of the ice cream itself, was that it allowed him to play the roles of both vendor and customer. That way, he'd be certain that he could have whatever he wanted. Fifty thousand quadruple-scoop fudge sundaes with chocolate sauce and nuts and seven flakes. Everything an omnipotent supreme being needed.

After he'd got bored of eating more ice cream than had ever before existed, let alone been consumed by one being, God felt it was time for another snooze. As he prepared himself for another long rest, he was reminded of the thought he'd had before his last one. That there was a very big task he'd been meaning to start but had not yet commenced. What a peculiar thought, he thought to himself and decided not to pay it any more attention. After all, God knows what time it was and he had a massive brain freeze to try to sleep off. Whatever it was would have to wait.

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