Tuesday 28 June 2016

#157 Interviewing sugar

I've sometimes compared using dating apps to being a kid in a sweet shop. This week it was probably more true than usual. Ada was an ex-adult movie star in her forties. She had some kids and some hobbies but her profile read that she was still involved in the industry. To demonstrate this, she'd put up several photos of herself wearing nothing but confectionary.

I explained off the bat that I wasn't really on the lookout for anything serious but couldn't help but admire what was one of Tinder's more original profiles. She thanked me for being honest and polite and seemed happy to chat for a while.

"You're a Muslim lady" I said, "how do you balance religion with your professional life?" She explained that it was difficult but that she was able to pray at work. I told her I'd been handed a free English copy of the Quran on Oxford Street earlier that day. "Will you read it?" She asked. "I'll take a look" I told her, "it can't be any more boring than parts of the Old Testament".

I asked how she was finding the whole online dating thing. "It's ok" she said "there are a lot of creeps obviously but I'm used to that so I don't mind it". "That's probably a major advantage" I told her. "I know girl friends who try it but give up because they can't stomach all that stuff, which is a shame as there are nice guys on there somewhere". "I don't mean me" I quickly added "I alternate between nice and creepy". She told me that her female friends were the same and that the ones with thick skin found it easier.

I was curious about whether the food in her pics had gone to waste or if anyone had eaten it but thought asking might've been distasteful. I hadn't come into cause a stir or to buy anything. I was just looking around.

Sunday 26 June 2016

#156 Powdered eggs and tripe

I met two upbeat people on Friday. Thinking about it, they probably did vote out but I don't know for sure. I like to think that one of them might just have been a positive pickle. They were saying things like "Well nothing's actually changed yet" and "you don't HAVE to be miserable about it". That kind of acceptance sounds like quite a smart attitude to have given the result. Perhaps some people will drift towards it over time.

One of my first thoughts as I checked my phone on the tube on Friday morning was "shall I buy some shares?" followed by "I wonder if this'll make people on Tinder more or less likely to want to go on dates". It's probably not the most important concern to have, even for me. When you've run out of 18 to 55 year olds to swipe within a 31 mile radius, who cares about the effect of Brexit?

Many care quite a lot though. I heard a friend's colleage was crying at her desk. Another guy I know has actually unfriended some people on Facebook over it. That's like the 2016 equivelant of egging someone's house. Thank God. Egg's a massive bitch to remove from brickwork.

Monday 13 June 2016

#155 Suma suma suma tiiime

This week has been unseasonably warm here in the UK. I say unseasonably because I'm pretty sure it isn't usually this nice in summer. What we're therefore experiencing is a heatwave. As a result, I've been turning up to the office more or less soaked from head to toe. I might've missed all the rain but it sure is hot on the underground.

The climate probably doesn't do the bucket shakers much good. Their prospective donors are now more aggrivated than usual and saving up for their summer holidays. One veterans charity has taken to reminding passers by that there are soldiers who have literally had their balls blown off in conflict. When it comes to the art of persuasion, it seems like they've pretty much nailed it.

I'm struggling to think of one single thing that has become fashionable this year, let alone this summer. Back in `14 the girls got into that luminous orange/pink coloured clothing. It surprises me that some kind of virtual pet hasn't taken the mobile world by storm. I suppose today people are too busy tending to their social networks to take care of eggsy. So busy in fact that making time to feed and water themselves is a game in itself.

Fortunately all commuters are aware of the importance of staying hydrated during hot spells, thanks to the posters put up last year by old goldilocks. I don't follow politics, which is good because if I did, I'd have arrived much earlier at the realisation that Osbourne might well be the next PM. You know, unless there's an election or something.

Monday 6 June 2016

#154 Extain

I have no idea whether Britain should stay in the EU or not. I don't really think there are too many imigrants and I'm concerned that large companies might be less inclined to invest in London if we go solo but I don't really know, you know? These are just my relatively uninformed suspicions.

When a friend of mine asked the question, I tried to blag it by saying what I thought a Dalai Lama style response might be. Which was fun. I can do his voice too. I think it would go something like this:

"When thinking about this question, some people look at what's in it for UK? What's in it for me? So we can make the decision without considering our brothers and sisters in other countries. If we're in a poor country, with very limited resources, this type of thinking is understandable. Also for some in the UK, I think also this. However, majority of people in UK, wealthy, by global standards. Isn't it? More wealthy than some other European countries. So, it can be helpful to think, not just what's in it for us but also what can we share?

I wouldn't go so far as to answer the question. I don't know the answer. So this week's blog post, in a way, is kind of pointless. I doubt it will come as much a surprise :)