Saturday 29 October 2016

#169 October

October. Saturday afternoon in the Wharf. Well, the sprawl of affordable housing just outside of it. I was sat on my bed playing Worms Armageddon. Between turns, I flicked through Tinder. 

"She looks cute" I thought to myself. Katie was a 24 year old Kiwi marketing manager for a lage tech company. Her profile read that she was travelling around Europe for work. "Too bad you're not here longer ;)" I told her. "Ha and why's that?" she wrote " you don't like short term fun?" "You're pushing all the right buttons" I wrote back "but I'm a little under the weather this weekend". 

I'd been feeling crap since about Thursday. How does a person even tell their boss that they kind of feel like they can't get as much done as normal but are still well enough to be at work? Actually that may well be exactly what I should have said but there's always the risk that if I said I was struggling to get it all done, they'd just suggest that I should have started it sooner. Or prioritised better. Or that I wasn't working fast enough. So I hadn't said anything. I'd made it to the weekend too. Alive. Sort of.

"Well I'm here 'til Wednesday" she said "and I made great bedside company when you're sick". "You'd honestly spend time with someone who isn't feeling a hundred percent when there must be thousands of healthy guys just waiting to be messaged?" I asked. "I don't know about thousands" she said. Maybe she hadn't had Tinder that long. "I would though" . "It's a flattering offer" I replied "but I'd feel too self-conscious, plus it'd be a shame if you caught this". She said she understood.

After the game of Worms, I headed over to Instagram for a browse. Fortunately, most of my favourite pasttimes can be done in bed with my laptop so being ill isn't exactly a handicap. The more I used Instagram, the more I liked it. I'd had it about a month. One of my tactics was to make comments on some of the most popular profiles so that lots of people would see them and might start following me. It was working ok. In fact I was somewhat surprised to be getting new followers every day. I only had like twenty pictures and until that point hadn't used a single hashtag. Maybe this is what people do in October now. Sit around on their phones looking for something they like the look of.

Thursday 20 October 2016

#168 The Hustle

"Have some more shrimp" the host said carelessly, dumping another ladleful on my plate. Did I even like seafood? I wasn't sure. Did anyone know the answer to that question?

The clock ticked on. I had some awareness that the time was passing as I sat there, shovelling mounds of the stuff into my mouth because I felt like it was expected of me. Getting some of it on my shirt and the floor. I'd be scolded later for my inefficient and untidy dining style as well as for not eating enough shrimp. I always felt full.

The sky outside grew darker, at least I imagined it had. I wasn't about to go to the window to check. In the pauses between courses, I told myself that I needed to rest, mentally as well as physically. Most of my friends had left the party. I hated the darkness. Who knew what was out there?

I continued to pretend to enjoy my food as best I could. I'd put on a little performace which involved staring blankly in disillusionment at the host when they asked if everything was ok. It had stopped being believable long ago of course but social etiquette, or rather their understanding of the extent to which it was safest and easiest not to make a fuss, dictatated that they remain silent.

"The host might throw me out eventually" I thought to myself for the millionth time. In the darkness, would I find my way home? Did I even have one?

Thursday 6 October 2016

#167 Energy

This post has been removed. It might be available on request.