It's ridiculous how much the way we say something matters more than what's being said. I'll happily be accused of hypocrisy or contradiction for writing this post. I actually quite like hypocrisy because it's so bountifully laden with tests of the listener's patience and wit.
I'm not talking about throwing away the importance of truth. Not in any way. The reason I'm plugging cordiality is to encourage the discussion about what's true. That's where we fall short. A person's temper is their single worst intellectual enemy.
What does that mean?
How many discussions have you ever had that have ended up resorting to playground logic or derision? The former is just plain ignorance or laziness. The latter is a defence mechanism but it's actually a very aggressive form of defense, which is why it's so effective and why it's survived so well in everyday conversation.
If you want to see something cooler, check out how Yoda handles force lightning. In the face of a dangerous enemy, he remains chilled, yet we can't even respond calmly to a Facebook post.
The trouble is, the moment a discussion starts to slip into emotional territory, it risks breaking down. Some people like to play like that. Or they say they do. Or it's normal to them. Or they believe it's beneficial. Or necessary.
There were times in business meetings where I used to feel a sense of injustice. Maybe someone had made a false statement, or used an unprofessional phrase or tone. I'd quickly inhale and exhale again through my nose, which had the effect of, if they were paying attention, letting the speaker know that I wasn't on board but also calming me down so that I could respond with a level head.
This isn't a plea to people to behave in a more civilised way. It's more of a tip. Being in control of your anger can feel amazing. I'm not saying I can completely command an entire emotion, I just mean in certain situations I've learned a trick or two.
EQ is such an interesting topic because like happiness, it's not perfectly correlated with financial success. Not by a long shot. I like to think it's becoming more important though. Not because I think I have it. More because if I had to have a difficult conversation with a peaceful koala or an angry grizzly bear, I know which one I'd choose.
26 comments
Hehe, I've been both, haven't I?
I definitely prefer calm people who talk sense to angry ones. However, when calm people talk and talk and talk about utter twaddle and you've got to the point of their point way ahead of them, its very difficult to not resort to violence;) I'm talking about my Father In Law, but I'm not angry!
I think I'm pretty amazing because I usually resort to digging my nails into the palms of my hands and putting a fixed smile on my face. It's the only way I can stop myself from screaming FFS STFU!
In my defence he has this effect on EVERYONE but due to my successful self harming techniques, he likes talking to me quite a lot :(
Getting back to the point of your topic, calm is always better, but I can't say I always stick to it.
Everyone has a tipping point and mines somewhere between zero and 100 depending on who's testing it, what kind of day I'm having or even how hungry I am.
It's all a bit complicated, but ideally calm is best, most of the time.....kind of.
I think there's a bit of both in all of us.
This made me chuckle. From what I hear, in-laws can sometimes test the patience of even the calmest person.
I'm glad you've found a practical use for self harm. As they say, everything in moderation.
Intimidation. That's what some people rely on. They must be stopped!
The most helpful thing I found was to google mother in law jokes. Better than any therapy ever invented.
Everyone has a tipping point that results in fight, or flight.
How do you propose that?
Is there a Father In Law website? Oh how we laughed last week when he halted Hubby mid making of a cup of tea to ask if he was going to use THAT mug to make a cup of tea for himself?
It seems that THAT mug, which was idling on the mug tree, free of any kind of warning labels, ownership rights or indeed correct handling techniques, was a cause of great concern to him as replacing it should an unfortunate accident occur, would be very difficult indeed.
http://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/self-defense-taser-c=37
On-line teasers! Genius!!!
Cheered me right up.
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
I want pink!
http://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/self-defense-stun-guns-pink-stun-guns-sub=165
Oh, sorry Fizzy, you said teasers!
http://www.partygrotto.co.uk/pink-nipple-tassels-117-p.asp
Oooops, yeah I meant TASERS. Bloody auto check!
Cath, I was mostly joking when I said intimidators must be stopped.
Those taser guns look pretty cool. I love how you can get a thigh holster. Presumably they're incredibly unpleasant and even dangerous to the attacker. Otherwise a group of friends could have a ton of fun with them.
OMG. Cath, firstly I thought you said you WENT pink and wondered why.....Then I saw what I wrote..... Now all I have to say to you is you're very rude and I'm shocked and appalled.
This is a very serious subject and Yes Dan those thigh holsters do look pretty amazing but I can't believe they don't do furry ones, especially it seems in pink.
PS Maybe they do low voltage tons of fun with friends ones. Might be just the thing for livening things up at yawn festivals otherwise known as dinner parties.
Fizz, did you open my second link? When's your birthday?
Of course they should be stopped. Let me count the ways... or just ignore them.
Freudian slip, more like.
If you're thinking of buying me a pink furry stun gun, I already have one;)
But not the latest from the Bling sting girl!
http://blingstingpepperspraygirl.com/uncategorized/stun-gun-just-got-cuter-say-hello-stunning-gun/
I'm imagining Tony Montana yelling say hello to my little friend and then getting out a pink taser.
what was that gun he used?
According to Google, it was a full auto converted Colt AR-15 with a Fake M203 grenade launcher attached.
Reasonably efficient. Bet the neighbours complained about the noise, though. Was he wearing a Kevlar vest?
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