Thursday 4 January 2018

#403 Before Genesis

God was in a foul mood. For as long as he could remember, which was an infinitely long time, he'd had no bed, no blankets, no pillows and fundamentally, no eyelids. Consequently he felt like he hadn't slept in forever. It was a good job he didn't have anything important on. At least, he didn't think he did.

He lay there for a few minutes, trying to decide whether to get up. There didn't seem much point. He had no friends, no hobbies and very little family. Just a son who wouldn't be born for a good few years yet and the Holy Spirit, who wasn't really a proper family member and made for the most dreadfully one-sided conversations.

"Ah, sod it" he thought. Cursing his own name several times, he launched into action and successfully managed to drag himself up, which was no mean feat considering the difficulty in working out which way "up" was. In the end, he just randomly chose a direction.

Proud at having finally risen, The Good Lord set about deciding what to do next. He'd been thinking of learning a new language but was trying to choose between French and Italian. Nobody yet spoke either and he had always liked the sound of both accents. He decided to be bold and learned both of them. Once he got started, it became clear that he was already pretty well fluent. His study sessions flew by and he was done in no time at all.

In celebration of his recent achievements, God felt like taking some time off to rest. Something had been bothering him though. In fact he felt sure there was something really big that he'd been meaning to get started on. He thought deeply about this. "Oh well, whatever it is, it can't have been that important" he thought to himself and with that, he lay back down, said a prayer to himself and decided to have a little snooze.

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