Monday 13 November 2017

#311 Wanting to leave

I'd thought a lot about whether to tell Bruno. To explain that I found it unbearable not being able to sleep until the early hours of the morning because I knew, as likely as not that he and his boyfriend would start making their dinner late at night and that would be it. I'd be kept awake.

The truth was, I didn't believe telling him would do any good. I'd seen how he treated Hellen while she was living here. When she raised concerns about the state of the house, he would tell her if she didn't like it, to move somewhere else. I had to send her embarrassed messages, explaining that he wasn't speaking for all of us.

When we had no hot water, it was worse. For two weeks in July, the landlord had been reluctant to replace the boiler, which wasn't that old, so we were stuck waiting through several ineffective visits from the engineer. Hellen would sometimes walk to the gym to wash as she was finding it very difficult to tolerate cold showers. When the uncertainty about the boiler getting fixed was at its peak, she became distressed and started to cry. Bruno thought she was behaving unreasonably and complained to me that she was overreacting.

Two times, I had walked into the kitchen after midnight, so angry that I couldn't speak. I'd send messages and had conversations and talked about possibly moving in the past but it had made no difference. Eating late was just a part of Bruno's routine. It was how he lived and I didn't think he would necessarily understand why I found it so difficult to cope.

My housemate is not a bad man. I suspect he simply doesn't understand the impact that his actions have. On many occasions, he has helped out when something has gone wrong in the house. He takes care of all the bills, he's friendly, easy-going, a marvelous cook and he has a good sense of humour too.

I thought about messaging him, or writing him a letter but ultimately I decided to do nothing. If I said something and it had no impact, I'd feel worse. If I disturbed our current relationship, living here would become even more stressful and I wasn't ready for that at the moment. I kept quiet and for the time being and decided to put all of my time into finding a new home. The rental market in London was always competitive. I'd need all the time I could get.


Fizzfan said...

You’re playing the waiting game. You already know the result.
I agree it’s pointless showing your cards to someone who could make your already challenging circumstances worse.
I really hope you find somewhere suitable soon.
Better to leave on civil terms.

All the best. Thumbs up:)

Profound Familiarity said...

I do? What's the result? :)

I did in fact tell Bruno later today I was having trouble sleeping. He said he always tried to be quiet and that usually he didn't cook at night.

I've agreed with a friend to go and stay with them for a night or two tomorrow.


Fizzfan said...

Hopefully 1 - 0 to you:) and you find what you’re looking for. God that U2 song just chipped in! But never mind that, I still think you will.

Glad Bruno responded well. Nice approach on your part.

A little respite for a couple of nights might be good.

Profound Familiarity said...

What Bruno's saying with that responses is he didn't think there was a problem. That's all he's saying.

The nights away will do me good.

Fizzfan said...

Have a good time and get some good ZZZZZs:)