Tuesday 10 April 2018

#499 Winds in the east

The day after finishing the dust ball series, I sat down to write a blog post as usual. Something was different.

I'd been writing daily for eight months. The series itself had been a change in direction, preceded by a week's worth of posts on the theme of searching for a blog like mine. Which followed another week of posts about the university strikes. I'd started writing posts under themes because I felt like I wanted a change. Now I wanted another.

The journey through the blogosphere earlier in the year had highlighted the rarity of personal narrative blogs without a strong theme. They existed but were hard to find, at least among the ranks of the popular pages.

I wanted to explain that if I carried on blogging daily, the blog wouldn't grow and neither would I but I didn't know that. I wanted to say that the daily practice had become repetitive and that life wasn't supposed to be repetitive but I didn't know that either. It was what I liked to call playground logic. The kind that seemed to fit but was only half-true.

Maybe I just didn't want to write about my own life publicly anymore. Of course nobody just wants anything. I'd have my reasons. Boredom. Lack of reward. Lack of growth. Lack of change. A desire to do other things.

Bukowski famously said "If it doesn't come bursting out of you despite everything, don't do it." I'd felt guilty reading that but had done it all the same. Until I felt an urge not to do it. That was where I was at. I'd keep writing in some shape or form but for now, I only knew one truth. It was time for the blogging to end.


Fizzfan said...

I’m a big fan of doing things when you want to, mainly because we do a lot of things we don’t really want to, so why add to that in your own spare time?

Someone told me a long time ago to tend your happiness because if everyone else done that, everyone would be happier. (It was probably my Dad, he’s very particular about who and what he invests his time in)
Makes sense to me.

Happy whatever you do do til you don’t do it any more, when hopefully it’ll be a better whatever you’re doing:)

Bit selfish tho! Wot about ME ME ME!!!

Profound Familiarity said...

Why indeed.

A penance perhaps. In the hope of some form of salvation. Although work alone could not bring that. Only faith.


I tried to write that without using the word God. As I'm not a massive advocate of faith... or am I?

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