Friday 24 January 2014

#56 A ghost in the machine

"...trying to be enlightened. The whole thing is ridiculous because we are born enlightened and to try for something that is already the case is the most absurd thing. If you already have it, you cannot achieve it... It cannot be made an ambition. Mind is ambitious. Ambitious for money, power, prestige. Then one day, when it gets fed up, it becomes ambitious for enlightenment... but the same ambition has come back, only the object has changed. Your attitude, your approach has not changed. You are the same person in the same rut, in the same routine. The day I became enlightened, simply means the day I realised that there is nothing to achieve. There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to be done. We are already divine and we are already perfect as we are. No improvement is needed. God never creates anybody imperfect. Even if you come across an imperfect man, you will see that his imperfection is perfect." - Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

The following should be taken with a pinch of salt, if at all:

So what's good about your life?
>> Nothing, I'm constantly stressing about the situation
Why don't you have any faith?
>> Because then if I'm wrong, it would be worse
Who cares?
>> I do because I prefer to see reality than pretend everything is ok
You're not living as happily as you should
>> I can't, I'm too scared.
Will you always be this scared?
>> No, when the situation changes, I'll be ok
What if something worse happens in the meantime?
>> I don't care although yes, that would seem like a waste
Are you sure?
>> Well look, it's best just to be yourself, right?
Wait, which one of us are you now?
>> I don't even know anymore.
Who is this conversation with?
It's between me and my mind
>> How can your mind talk to itself? 
I don't know, it just can.
>> Isn't that a bit crazy? 
No, anyone can do this, it's actually useful.
>> What happens when I run out of questions?
Ha, then we really start to worry
>> What is the purpose of this?
I don't know, I am just doing it anyway
>> Do you articulate your thoughts better in writing?
>> Are you saying that your mind actually works better when you write?
Maybe but I may also end up repeating myself, just like in person
>> Why do you do that?
I don't know, just how the mind was made. Might be related to memory
>> Ok so what now? I thought you were supposed to be coping?
How am I supposed to cope with this? Besides, I am
>> It doesn't look like it
Oh very funny, what, you've never spent the weekend in bed? It's a coping mechansim
>> Is it working?
Yeah kinda. I'm still typing and I'm not crazy
>> You're not?
No, I'm not. I'm sure of that. I could have a regular conversation with someone right now
>> That doesn't mean you're not crazy
I know when I'm not crazy. You should take my word for it.
>> Ok fine, I will
Thanks. Now, where were we?
>> I was asking the questions.
Are you still asking them?
>> I don't know. I think we swapped places. Is that ok?
It messes things up a bit. Now I don't know what's going on.
>> Shall I start asking the questions again then?
Yeah sure, ok.
>> How long has it been like this?
Few days.
>> This happens sometimes. It'd be good if you could change your psychology.
Maybe having conversations with myself will help.
>> I doubt it, you'll be nuts by Monday.
Who's side are you on?
>> Sorry, I'm just testing you.
You don't think I have enough to worry about?
>> I don't think you have anything to worry about but you seem to think so, which is why we're here
Look, even if the worst happened, I'd manage somehow
>>Managing doesn't sound like much fun
What is this anyway?
>> It's late. When do you want to go to sleep? 
You don't even...
>> So now your mind is just doing what it always does
Are you saying this perfectly good conversation has descended into something pointless?
>> All of the crap that you think is pointless
What's a useful thought? 
>> You could have one but you're always, always too scared to do anything different
Are you saying that I prefer being unhappy?
>> I am definitely saying that. It's your default state.
No wonder I have trouble forging meaningful relationships
>> That's right but don't worry, it's not all pervasive. 
Hmm... are you sure?
>> Are you bored of this yet?
A bit, plus I don't know where it's going
>> Nobody does. Speak to you later?
Maybe. Love you.
>> Love you too.

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