Sunday 17 February 2013

#5 Online dating reply

This lady vows not to:
1) Nag you to do pointless things on a Sunday
 (or any day for that matter)
2) Moan at you for leaving the toilet seat up
3) Get annoyed with you when you want to spend time with your friends
or 4) Ask for advice when I don't really want to know your opinion...

No this isn't right.

Usually the more attractive girls make no effort in writing a profile and simply leave a large list of DON'Ts on their page, threatening aggressively to bin messages from all but the most exclusive and deserving candidates, who must have immaculate spelling and grammar. I never really understood the emphasis placed on such things by females looking for a suitor. Of course, as a bear of relatively modest accomplishment in other fields, you might permit me to remark with the slightest tone of tongue-in-cheek smugness that this has never been an issue.

How refreshing to find a list of what you can do for "us" men (I use that word in the loosest sense and wouldn't presume to consider myself an appropriate choice for a response out of the many messages you have surely received). Please let me comment on the most entertaining and welcome vows that you are willing to make at such an early stage. Please don't think that I intentionally set out to critique your points although inadvertently I seem to have done so. Perhaps you will appreciate my thoughts or at least that they prove that I didn't just want to read your profile but to understand it.

1) The term "pointless" is highly subjective, especially since it could probably be argued that everything has a point. 
2) I'm impressed that you would never moan about the toilet seat although I'm sure it wouldn't be too much to ask. I personally always leave it down. 
3) It's reasonable to want to spend time with one's friends on occasion so I'm glad that you're highlighting that. Of course it should never be implied that a person would rather hang out with their friends, merely that they sometimes feel duty-bound to do so, an admirably sociable quality that one would be pleased to find in their suitor. 
4) Why would you ask for advice when you didn't really want to know my opinion? I would suggest that this could be replaced with a wider vow not to feign inferiority under any circumstance, with a possible exception being the necessity to deceive an unwanted third party presence. Note that I said "necessity". My mother would not count. I think I'm just joking by this point.

So you're from Bromley huh?

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