Wednesday 3 May 2017

#191 Piggy in the middle

A perk of being an introvert is avoiding house arguments about kitchen cleanliness. Did I say an introvert? I meant tidy.

I like Hellen. When she messaged everyone (read: Bruno) about the mess, I thought "Finally, someone is saying something". I never say anything. Like a grizzled prison veteran, I keep my head down and do my porridge.

"If anyone doesn't like something, they can leave" Bruno replied. I threw in a "lol" to show that I didn't take that seriously. I do respond when someone else says something. In fact I suggested a Big Brother vote to decide who leaves. It seemed to lighten the tone.

I messaged each of them separately. It's not that I'm playing both sides of the fence; I'd like to live in a Fairy liquid advert but not enough to fall out with anyone. I like Bruno too. If there's a clean pan and a free hob, I'm happy. In fact that's my entire ethical and political ethos. When there's a referendum concerning clean pans you can expect me to be vocal. Did I say vocal? I meant quietly bitter, presenting as aloof.

Simon's been out this week. Somewhere. Belgium probably. He's an international man. The ideal housemate. I have him pegged as a diplomat, even if that's not his real job title. I like to think he would've weighed in politely had he been here.

I miss having a cat. It was Keira's birthday this week. I think she turned double figures. She only received four Facebook messages. When you know any surface in the house could've had a cat's arse on it since it was last cleaned, it puts things into perspective.


Running on empty said...

Very good descriptive writing, I get a sense of the household. Time to get another kitten?

Profound Familiarity said...

The tenancy agreement wouldn't allow it.

Running on empty said...

That's a shame :(

Rina said...

Love your style, Dan. Literary style, I mean. Here I am thinking oh, poor man, communal living must be so hard. Then I remembered I've been sharing my home with a family of eight for the past 19 years. Not blood relatives, life just washed us up at the same place at the same time. I think it was 18 years ago that I gave up hoping that anything would ever be as I wanted it ever again.

Profound Familiarity said...

Rina, your glowing feedback makes me feel rich indeed :)

I've met people who live alone in their thirties and wouldn't envy them. Do you know the series Red Dwarf? It's about an unfortunate and lazy man called Lister who gets stranded alone on a massive interstellar mining ship. To keep Lister company, the ship's computer picks a crew member to artificially resurrect in the form of a hologram. The computer selects Arnold Rimmer, the most anal and infuriating person on board. The logic is that the people who annoy us most are the ones who keep us sane in the long run.