Something More Weekly

#147 If the mice took over

If the mice in our office fed and bred until they outnumbered the people. If they freely pranced about during daylight hours. If it got to the stage that the office should close and I found myself in the unlikely position of having been replaced by a great many rodents, what would I do?

I imagine that the first order of the day would be to revert to holiday mode. My holiday mode isn't like this: Excitedly stick a pin in a map based partly on where a lot of other people go and then six months later tell everyone how nice it's going to be there so that they nod their heads and agree that it's going to be nice there, moan about getting everything finished before going, plan a host of activities, exchange currency and actually care or remember which airline they're flying with. 

I typically get a takeaway and then lie on the sofa binge-watching something on and off for several days until the time comes when I pretty much have to think about somewhere to go, except I already know that there's nowhere I want to go, so I try to manufacture reasons to go somewhere (people are absolutely stellar, in general, at manufacturing reasons, when they want to, for just about anything. It doesn't always mean they get it right but considering they're essentially manipulating their reality, it's still pretty impressive) and sort of half-succeed and eventually pack and get insurance and tell a couple of people where I'm going, all in a hazy state of mind that has resulted from staying up 'til 3am watching Jack Bauer murder people. 

I spend the first half of the holiday walking to places that I could get to in a fraction of the time if I used public transport. I visit sites for little more than the purpose of convincing myself and others that I'd had a productive holiday, even though what I really need is an unproductive one. By the last two or three days, if I'm lucky I've readjusted to a more typical sleep pattern. The absence of Netflix and walking around looking at shit, even if I didn't completely want to do it, has meant that I have ever so slightly more energy and greater sense of wellbeing than before I left, Then it's time to come home. The journey tires me out, I arrive back slightly fed up but still slightly more rested than I was before I left. I go back to work and pretty soon it's like I never left.

Except I don't go back to work. Cause the mice are still there. I'd have to try to find a new office to work in. There are a lot of offices in the country. I wonder if they all have mice in them too.