Something More Weekly

#72 Unplanned leave

"I promise I can change"... "No! You can't!" she cried. "You're not capable of changing and I can't do this anymore". "Wow" I thought, drawing a deep breath and lying back on the sofa. "I'm going for a shower" my friend called. "Do you want me to change the channel?" "No I'm ok actually", I hollered back. "I kind of want to find out what happens to these stupid Chelsea people next". "See, you love it!" She told me, grinning. I had to admit, it was kind of amusing.

There was something about watching those spoiled, good looking kids talk to each other about their relationship issues that I found comforting. Their unrealistically well-timed dialogues reassured me that there was something fake about what they were going through, or at least the way that it was being portrayed. "I mean how can he say he loves me and then cheat on me four times, one of which was an orgy?" "Five times" said her friend "Oh yeah, five times" she replied, remembering.

The four day week had been my last at work before a fortnight of annual leave. Typically, I hadn't arranged much for my time off, having hardly thought past finishing off some work and tidying my room. I'd spent part of the week wondering what my South American friend thought of the idea that I go visit her. It was a pretty last-minute idea that I'd brought up about a week before and I hadn't heard much back on the subject, so it looked like I'd be remaining in Blighty for a couple of weeks. 

Friends and colleagues had asked what my plans were. I replied honestly that I hadn't really made any. "I shall simply do whatsoever I feel like" I answered. I then realised that this in itself might be some kind of plan but was able to reason that if I wasn't completely sure a) what I felt like doing and b) whether I'd in fact do whatever it was that I felt like doing after I'd identified it, then I could probably sleep safe in the knowledge that I hadn't planned my time off. I liked this thought. It made me feel like anything was possible. In actual fact, a lot of things would have required planning in order to be possible. As a determinist, it occurred to me that whatever I'd end up doing was effectively planned anyway but as a human, I knew that in order to be stimulated by it, I'd have to have uncertainty as regards to the unfolding of events and this was, I suspect, the main reason for my lack of planning.