Sunday, 15 April 2018

#501 From the outside in

With the arrival of the milder weather, I'd been feeling more in tune emotionally. Familiar feelings of happiness had been making their way back into my experiences and I'd started seeing myself from different points of view.

I felt older. Every day I felt older. There were things I didn't have and might never have. Things I'd failed at. There didn't seem enough time for anything. I became more cautious about speaking my mind, not because there was no truth in my thoughts but because who was I to think them anyway?

The list of notes that I'd been making every time I had a thought about something that interested me kept getting longer. I'd write the thoughts on my phone, or laptop or a notepad depending on which was closest to hand. Then at weekends, I'd enter them into a categorised list. Things to think about soon. Things to think about in the future. Knowledge. Wisdom. I'd started keeping an emotional journal too.

Chances to pursue the interests I'd put on the list were rare. I was already filling my days when I started making it. I focused on a few key priorities and what needed doing in accordance with those. Each new thought or idea was like a little mosaic piece and after some time I could fit them all together into a bigger picture of the areas and tasks that interested me. Even if I never acted on most of the ideas, writing them down freed up my brain's memory to concentrate on what I was doing.

I'd thoroughly recommend the list-making practice to anyone because I enjoyed it and expected to find it useful. At the same time I'd recommend it to no-one because the chances of someone I knew wanting to start that exact same habit at the exact time that I was telling them about it seemed almost zero. It seemed enough simply to tell people what I was doing and that I enjoyed it. Recommendations were within the boundaries of appropriate social behaviour but who was I to make them anyway?

5 comments

Fizzfan said...

Yes Spring always brings on a little feel good factor doesn’t it.

Feeling older? I’m duty bound to mention fine wine, wisdom and........meeerrgghh.
Haven’t got or done some things, or, you could still do or get them, or, still be free to do others things?
Failures? More like marks of success in progress! Famous failures, Einstein (he was told he was too slow at school and sub normal) Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, J K Rowling, Oprah Winfrey, The Beatles.........they all failed, got sacked or rejected first.
More cautious, or, more experienced and measured?
Thoughts need to be thought about, but without them being expressed, how would we get to love, laugh, learn or indeed all the way down to hate? Emotions feed off of them so I mostly try to focus on the first two or three........Having said that, I quite like ‘hating’ things or people too on occasions, it can be quite uplifting and even fun (as long as I don’t actually know them)
We mostly find our tribe through expressing who we are.
Recommendations and advise, yes treacherous territory. There’s always someone who’ll think it’s good and someone who’ll think it’s rubbish.
Who are you to make them? Always a difficult one, especially if you’re a thinker. Good thinkers thoughts are worth more spoken than just thought though.
I also think of self expression a bit like a volcano. If the heats not getting out somewhere........
I just think if you’re you, and trying to be the best version of that, you’re on the road to success, even if there’s a few pot holes along the way. The scenery's usually more important than the road anyway.

By the way, I make lists and notes all the time, but I suspect mine are due to my brain being in decline, whilst yours are trying to improve it :)

Dan Copping said...

Well, I don't think I'm going to be the next Einstein Fizzfan but thank you for the sentiment.

Cautious. I can be measured though.

Interesting that you make a lot of notes.

Thanks for the sage comments. How're things?

Fizzfan said...

I’m feeling very Spring like today thank you. Warmest April day for 70 years!
It’s very pleasant and the birds are twittering and my (almost) pet blackbird is getting ever bolder over his scramble for the sultanas I feed him. Little things amuse me. Nature makes me smile.

‘Family’ matters not quite so chipper but FILs funeral went well and I had the reception round mine. (I know it’s called a wake, but I find that such an odd word to use when the person it’s for, most definitely isn’t)
Mums having an op in a couple of weeks and I have to do a bit of overnight care when she comes out of hospital. My nursing skills will be stretched and I’m a bit scared:( Mum can’t drink anymore so I think I might have to smuggle of bottle of fizz in to blur the edges.
Niece issues (she had a brain haemorrhage) are pretty dire inasmuch as she’s out of hospital but still waiting for treatment. Fall outs imminent between her spouse and my Sis reaching a critical mass.
I’ve had years of experience of listening to them all while giving nothing away that I know anything. They definitely know I do it but they’ve yet to break me, which is good because they trust me, and it’s also been good in teaching me there’s always at least two sides to every story. We’re a complex lot.

So how’s you been?
Have you been finding the extra time in your day useful?

Dan Copping said...

Nursing skills? Yes that does sound daunting. Are there any preparations you can make beforehand like writing down what you have to do in certain situations?

I'm the same as usual. So far I've mostly been using the extra time to write up the dust robots post. How simple. I had an interview earlier today, which I would say went well. They're a bit concerned I'm overqualified. There were reasons I wanted it though. We'll see how it goes.

If you normally have ice cream after dinner, does that mean when it's hot you have two?

Fizzfan said...

That’s a good idea actually. I guess I’m hoping she’ll just need a lot of TLC and practical help.....

Oh good luck with the interview. Whatever the outcome, if it went well, that’s always good. Bit like the house hunt I suppose, lots of ups n downs and then suddenly you were moving! It’ll happen.

God I’m too hot now. Heat rises and I’m upstairs and I’m not prepared for unseasonal fan use. I stowed it in the garage last year and hubbys out with the key.
You’ve put ideas in my head about a second ice cream now! I think I have to go downstairs to stand in the kitchen anyway. It’s north facing and has a tiled floor. I might have to lie down on it and an ice cream would definitely help:)